I've run out of things to keep living for. I've no friends left, no cause to fight for, no energy to fight even if I wanted to. I've run out of books to read, run out of interest in the world.

I received word (from Rie, of all people) that mother was murdered by the Scourge. I have no desire to fight my the tattered, dead husk of my mother in the frozen wastes. Otherwise I've nothing but apathy concerning this war we are apparently on the edge of. Morality is a farce, I have learned, and as such I have no reason to take sides. The only options I foresee in my future are to inevitably fall under Arthas' control once more or slowly rot away until I'm nothing left but a pile of dust, still occupied by a miserable and restless soul.

And so, since I can't stumble upon a natural death, I will seek to craft my own.

I can't say it has been wonderful, but it has certainly been something.


[[The journal has been locked, left lying on the grave of a Sarorick Barrenshire in the Brill graveyard.]]

Rhyn is a tit and I hope he fucking rots.

Rhyn showed up in my room last week some time. We fucked, spoke very little, and then he left. Perhaps the lack of talk was my doing, though. He kept trying all of this poetic nonsense and I eventually just told him to shut up.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's been months since I've seen him. I figured our reunion would be something a tad less...I don't know.

I need something to do that isn't an elf.

I saw Delial the other day. Apparently she didn't marry that man for whatever reasons. I wasn't really paying attention. In any case, she's still going on about that "Oh I'm too old" business and it's terribly disappointing. Looking at the positive side, though, she did buy me a drink.

Still no signs of Nomadis. What to do.

Things are dull when I'm not doing things for that Shattered Sun or whatever it's called. Sadly, that is the majority of my day and thus I am left to laze about Thunder Bluff dozing off and generally collecting dust. I've reclaimed my hammock at the inn here but it's nowhere near as comfortable as it once was. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I manage to accumulate as many blankets and pillows as last time I stayed here. Then we'll be all set.

I fear Manaba was right; Nomadis is nowhere to be found and it worries me. At the same time I hate him and I'm not even sure why I'm looking for him. He was such a cock.

I wonder if Delial ran off and married that whats his name. I saw him the other day but I doubt he recognized me in the garb of a warlock as opposed to a novice priest. I'm not sure why I even wonder about her still. Perhaps it's the thrill of the hunt. Goodness, I should write romance novels.

Well it's late and I'm actually tired. I think it's time to put this hammock to good use.

I took up demonology again. That priest shit was a little too goody goody for me anyhow and it's not as if I had much faith in the light to begin with. I suppose its best that I cut it off early.

I ran into Manaba in Nagrand and I was somewhat surprised to find that he was actually glad to see me. It's been what, almost two years now? That's hard to believe. In any case, we didn't exactly part on good terms so it was good to see that his initial reaction wasn't to take a swing at me with his axe.

Nomadis has wandered off somewhere, he says. He doesn't know where or how long he'll be gone. That's a pity. I could do with a good troll fucking.

I summoned Glynola last night for the first time in a few months. She was angry with me, of course, but we reconciled and were able to chat for a while. I didn't last too long and sadly fell asleep at some point in the conversation, though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thankful that she didn't wake me up. She was gone when I woke up, but I intend to summon her again as soon as I'm through with this journal today.

I wrote mother last night, too. I've been worried about her terribly and I do feel awful for not writing her while I was in that wretched place. I hope she is well and I hope that she will write back. Perhaps I should visit her soon.

I still haven't seen anyone I know since I returned. I wonder what became of them.

I miss Delial

It's been a while since I've opened you, hasn't it? I'm sorry about the silverfish darling, I'll get rid of them. I promise.

Not much has transpired since last I wrote, though I suppose I've gone through a personal transformation of sorts... to become again what I was before that little Scholomance episode. I'm not entirely certain that counts as a transformation. Oh well, in any case.

I've not heard from Taven or Lilirose or Quyntin or Rhyn. To be honest, I haven't really seen anyone from the old days, though I suppose it doesn't help that I haven't left the Scryer's tier except once a day in order to acquire some manner of nourishment. This evening I did visit Silvermoon though I must question my motives. Perhaps I was feeling masochistic or something.

I sat on a bench for a good hour or so reading a book until I happened upon a rather charming elf boy named "Wolf" or something of the sort. It was refreshing to have a real conversation with somebody that didn't involve, in one form or another, my sex life in relation to everyone else's. My timing wasn't as good as it could have been considering he retired fairly early on given the hour of 3:oo in the morning, but still I feel it's an improvement of sorts.

Wolf aside, that awful city is still as full of trash as its ever been. I never thought I'd be glad to see this bed again but I found myself enjoying the sight of this dull little room in comparison to the horror that is Silvermoon.

It has been far too long since I had sex. We're pushing five months now, I think?

Oh, piss.