I've run out of things to keep living for. I've no friends left, no cause to fight for, no energy to fight even if I wanted to. I've run out of books to read, run out of interest in the world.

I received word (from Rie, of all people) that mother was murdered by the Scourge. I have no desire to fight my the tattered, dead husk of my mother in the frozen wastes. Otherwise I've nothing but apathy concerning this war we are apparently on the edge of. Morality is a farce, I have learned, and as such I have no reason to take sides. The only options I foresee in my future are to inevitably fall under Arthas' control once more or slowly rot away until I'm nothing left but a pile of dust, still occupied by a miserable and restless soul.

And so, since I can't stumble upon a natural death, I will seek to craft my own.

I can't say it has been wonderful, but it has certainly been something.


[[The journal has been locked, left lying on the grave of a Sarorick Barrenshire in the Brill graveyard.]]

Rhyn is a tit and I hope he fucking rots.

Rhyn showed up in my room last week some time. We fucked, spoke very little, and then he left. Perhaps the lack of talk was my doing, though. He kept trying all of this poetic nonsense and I eventually just told him to shut up.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's been months since I've seen him. I figured our reunion would be something a tad less...I don't know.

I need something to do that isn't an elf.

I saw Delial the other day. Apparently she didn't marry that man for whatever reasons. I wasn't really paying attention. In any case, she's still going on about that "Oh I'm too old" business and it's terribly disappointing. Looking at the positive side, though, she did buy me a drink.

Still no signs of Nomadis. What to do.

Things are dull when I'm not doing things for that Shattered Sun or whatever it's called. Sadly, that is the majority of my day and thus I am left to laze about Thunder Bluff dozing off and generally collecting dust. I've reclaimed my hammock at the inn here but it's nowhere near as comfortable as it once was. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I manage to accumulate as many blankets and pillows as last time I stayed here. Then we'll be all set.

I fear Manaba was right; Nomadis is nowhere to be found and it worries me. At the same time I hate him and I'm not even sure why I'm looking for him. He was such a cock.

I wonder if Delial ran off and married that whats his name. I saw him the other day but I doubt he recognized me in the garb of a warlock as opposed to a novice priest. I'm not sure why I even wonder about her still. Perhaps it's the thrill of the hunt. Goodness, I should write romance novels.

Well it's late and I'm actually tired. I think it's time to put this hammock to good use.

I took up demonology again. That priest shit was a little too goody goody for me anyhow and it's not as if I had much faith in the light to begin with. I suppose its best that I cut it off early.

I ran into Manaba in Nagrand and I was somewhat surprised to find that he was actually glad to see me. It's been what, almost two years now? That's hard to believe. In any case, we didn't exactly part on good terms so it was good to see that his initial reaction wasn't to take a swing at me with his axe.

Nomadis has wandered off somewhere, he says. He doesn't know where or how long he'll be gone. That's a pity. I could do with a good troll fucking.

I summoned Glynola last night for the first time in a few months. She was angry with me, of course, but we reconciled and were able to chat for a while. I didn't last too long and sadly fell asleep at some point in the conversation, though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thankful that she didn't wake me up. She was gone when I woke up, but I intend to summon her again as soon as I'm through with this journal today.

I wrote mother last night, too. I've been worried about her terribly and I do feel awful for not writing her while I was in that wretched place. I hope she is well and I hope that she will write back. Perhaps I should visit her soon.

I still haven't seen anyone I know since I returned. I wonder what became of them.

I miss Delial

It's been a while since I've opened you, hasn't it? I'm sorry about the silverfish darling, I'll get rid of them. I promise.

Not much has transpired since last I wrote, though I suppose I've gone through a personal transformation of sorts... to become again what I was before that little Scholomance episode. I'm not entirely certain that counts as a transformation. Oh well, in any case.

I've not heard from Taven or Lilirose or Quyntin or Rhyn. To be honest, I haven't really seen anyone from the old days, though I suppose it doesn't help that I haven't left the Scryer's tier except once a day in order to acquire some manner of nourishment. This evening I did visit Silvermoon though I must question my motives. Perhaps I was feeling masochistic or something.

I sat on a bench for a good hour or so reading a book until I happened upon a rather charming elf boy named "Wolf" or something of the sort. It was refreshing to have a real conversation with somebody that didn't involve, in one form or another, my sex life in relation to everyone else's. My timing wasn't as good as it could have been considering he retired fairly early on given the hour of 3:oo in the morning, but still I feel it's an improvement of sorts.

Wolf aside, that awful city is still as full of trash as its ever been. I never thought I'd be glad to see this bed again but I found myself enjoying the sight of this dull little room in comparison to the horror that is Silvermoon.

It has been far too long since I had sex. We're pushing five months now, I think?

Oh, piss.

I wonder how Lilirose is. And Taven. And Quyntin.

And Rhyn...

One thing's for sure. Necromancy is not all it's cracked up to be. Not that it's boring, really, but it does begin to take its toll on the mind after a while. It's one thing to see necromantic creations hobbling about on their own, but you tend to notice how they move when you're the one that's brought them back, and then it starts to affect you, and then you start to feel ill. I've done little more than cats at this point, but that doesn't make it any less unsettling. I'm not certain that makes much sense. Not that anything does these days.

I find I spend a lot of time daydreaming about life outside of these bloody cold walls and have been avoiding this damn journal in the hopes I could forget what I had, but I think I've finally come to accept the fact that I'm not going to forget. I've made mistakes in my lifetime, but really, Farorey. What were you thinking, love?


I haven't had sex in almost two months. What the fuck.

I had considered this many times before, but didn't really feel the courage to go with it until this evening. Today I had been thinking heavily on it and being awoken by Quyntin at the Kodo just...I knew it was time.

I told her. I didn't tell her where. I gave her a vague idea which I suppose wasn't all too smart, but I feel beyond that at this point.

I'm so tired. So tired in general, tired of everything. This opens a new door for me, which is something I need so badly, but at the same time I can't help but worry about all of the other doors it's closing.

I hope Lilirose will be alright.

I've made a wonderful mess of things again.

I went to that "Drunken Kodo" business in Ratchet the other night and saw a few familiar faces. namely Quyntin who, while familiar, seems anything but friendly anymore. I'm not entirely sure what I've done to piss her off but it seems I've done something. I also saw Auslin- fan-fucking-tastic, really. On the positive side I did see Lilirose and Rhyn.

Rhyn pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong. I found it difficult to put into words, but basically I told him I felt that I was past my prime. He told me to take a vacation and I really considered it, but now that I think on it a bit more, what would what that even do? None. I'd just sit about and sulk as I have been for weeks.

Just as Rhyn left, Lilirose showed up. She immediately started in talking about Auslin and how charming he was, and well, piss. She then eluded to sleeping with him, or someone, at which point I found myself quite overwhelmed by a flood of something that was either anger or jealousy, perhaps both. Either way, I haven't felt quite that strongly about anything in I don't know how long. I suppose I lost my temper a bit, but she admitted to making it up which was a relief. We did talk on the subject of Rhyn, however, and I'm afraid she doesn't want me to sleep with him anymore. I do love Rhyn, but the more I consider it, is it even that kind of love? We have so much in common and we converse so well, I feel that he's more a brother than anything. As if that'd make a d

I don't know what to do.

Farorey, you're getting old.

A short venture out of my room for a drink at World's End somehow resulted in a four-hour romp with Rhyn in Zul'Gurub of all places, straight in front of Hakkar no less! I'd be lying if I said that wasn't the strangest sex I have ever had. Not that it was bad, mind you, but intercourse before some giant snake god thing is certainly dabbling in the strange.

That was fun, but I gave him my last cigarette. So piss.

Rhyn's such a sweetheart and a charmer too, really. I feel terrible because he's an elf and I feel almost obliged to hate him. He's about as cocky as any elf, but he's sort of got reason to be considering he's not a complete wanker like the rest of them. And gods his ears are just so long. Even so, he still manages to be handsome. And anything to make that Darda shit squirm is good.

Anyways.

I found Lilirose and Quyntin in Hellfire Peninsula yesterday when I was flying around. They seemed preoccupied with killing fel orcs so I didn't stay for long, but I was able to steal a quick kiss and a hug from Lili. She's so darling it just makes my toes curl. I need to spend more time with her as I haven't in a month at least- the New Year festival doesn't count because I was beyond drunk and was also told that I passed out.

I should be getting back to sleep. There will be more to write later hopefully.

I feel little point to things lately.

I haven't left my room much. I see little point to change that.

Perhaps I should study.

That Darda elf is a right little shit. Given recent events all I can say is that I'm glad I abandoned my campaign to sleep with her all those months ago.

On that note, I slept with Rhyn again. He really is sweet and not all that bad looking, even for an elf. I'm sure there's more to be said, but I am just too tired to say much more. Perhaps later.

Winter's Veil is tomorrow and I haven't bought anyone anything. I'm sure I won't be getting anything either, but even so.

Gods, I've been so tired and bored. I haven't seen Lili at all this week, either.

We wandered back into Karazhan tonight and spent a number of hours there. I'd say the most noteworthy event of the evening was an oversized worgen turning Moakrall into a little gnome. Or perhaps the giant arcane construct when we arrived at the library. He was entirely unpleasant in every way possible, though it only took us two goes to finally shut his incessant caretaking up.

I managed to sneak out with a lovely new pair of gloves.

I am so in love with this house I can barely stand it. Perhaps once we've entirely rid it of its inhabitants I will move in and claim it as my own.

That would be so very wonderful.